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TOP 10 WAYS TO GET HELP DESK HELP
1. Be polite and professionally courteous. Keep your feelings out
of it. This is a technical call, not a hate-talk show, so keep it
that way. Help desks aren’t perfect, whether paid or volunteer.
If you’re not satisfied, seek alternatives or go to a higher
court – but don’t go sportin’ a ‘tude with
the help desk. Save that for the supervisors, or shop elsewhere.
Help desk staffers are human too, and will reward an attitude by
dealing with your problem instead of your machine’s problem.
2. Be prepared, and stick to the point. In advance, write down
pertinent information in outline style about your machine, system,
application versions, and the chain of events leading up to the
problem. If you seem to have multiple problems to address, break
them out separately. Try to minimize your own "Joe Friday"
deductive reasoning skills in favor of "just the facts, ma'am".
3. Address still-unanswered questions after the help desk has finished
asking its own questions, when the diagnostics part has been completed.
It’s better to make your questions short, and as specific
as possible.
4. Don't awe the help desk with your qualifications and experience
until they ask. Don’t ask them to explain why your friend,
or some other "authority", suggested a better approach.
5. Let the help desk steer the direction of the call. Let them
direct most of the questions. Answer them with just adequate detail;
let the help desk decide when they need more detail. If you insist
on controlling this dialog, you will lose, but you will lose not
because the helpdesk will necessarily withhold information, or because
you were not clever enough. You will lose because you prevented
the help desk from doing its job.
6. Listen carefully. Write things down step by step, and read or
repeat back what you understood.
7. Don't try to second-guess the help desk. Don't tell them "I
tried that" unless you tried the whole procedure, not just
a single step.
8. Be responsive. Don't be afraid to ask "why", but let
them understand you only want to know, not to badger or argue with
them. Do give enough feedback so the help desk person can tell they
are getting through to you.
9. Do everything you reasonably can to help yourself, both before
and after the phone call. Never say, "I tried what you told
me and it didn't work", and leave the conversation hanging
in accusatory silence. If appropriate, tell them which procedure
you followed and its actual result. For example: "I followed
steps 1 - 10 of the 'Clean Install' procedure in Chapter 7 of the
User's Manual, and startup still freezes when QuickTime loads."
10. Thank them for their time or help. Don't treat them like servants
or prisoners of war. If you have to call back, you may well get
the same person.
TOP 10 WAYS TO ALIENATE THE HELP DESK
1. Begin by asking how much time they have, and how late in the
evening you can call back when you get stuck. Let them know upfront
that you’re open to calling them back at midnight.
2. Tell them you made the same mistake twice in a row, and trashed
your system or hard drive both times. This will demonstrate a sense
of urgency about stepping in to personally handle everything for
you. Hint that they could drive up to your house right now, if the
timing worked for you.
3. Make it clear you expect them to "walk you through this"
– no matter what it is or how long it takes --before analysis
of the problem has even been discussed.
4. Always deflect direct questions by redirecting them to completely
different questions of your own. Let's say the question is: "do
you have ants in the kitchen?" Your response should be, "But
how do I burn the house down?" When they attempt to regain
control of the questioning, ask them, "Why won’t you
tell me what’s wrong with my computer?"
5. Make it clear to the help desk that you're not interested in
their suggestions or direction of questioning, because a "higher
authority" steered you onto a completely different path. If
possible, pointedly let them know the only reason you're calling
at all is because "my friend" inexplicably moved out of
state, with no forwarding address or phone. Tell them all you want
them to do is walk you through whatever the higher authority did.
6. If third-party software is involved in the problem, make it
perfectly clear you won't be fooled into seeking technical help
from the people who may already have the solution.
7. When pinned to the mat about booting or installing from the
older system disk or CD version that you actually do own, impress
them by telling them you're running system 8.1 with HFS+, which
somebody else (guess who) installed, but for which you don't have
disks. Never let them make you settle for less. Don't get sidetracked
with issues of whether or not you own or even physically possess
the installation software. Other people are supposed to provide
that for you. Don't get stuck making do with the possible.
8. When pinned to the mat about checking your user's manual, impress
them with the rebuttal that you're a novice who doesn't even know
how to set the time on your PC clock.
9. Let the help desk person know upfront that you’ll not
be thwarted with direct technical questions and basic facts. Remind
them they are just there to fix the problem using a solution already
posed for them by you. You have every right to make them agree with
whatever you say, because you're the customer and they are supposed
to help you. Let them know who's boss.
10. If the help desk persists in clinging to its own agenda by
insulting you with fact-finding questions, tell them: "so you
won't help me, then?"
Copyright by Alex Forbes ©June 21, 1998
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