“That Sentence Should Be Taken Out and Shot”

March 6th, 2010

It was the best of times, it was the worst of sentences, improperly executed.

You already know exactly what kinds of sentences the “taken out and shot” quip refers to: long, drawn-out constructs of mixed metaphors and tortured simile (“A riveting wit that commands a commotion like gasoline on an ant-hill”), gigantic leaps of logical absurdity (“construction of the pyramids must have been directed from a spaceship from 10,000 feet”) … “It was a dark and stormy night.” Exactly: Bulwer-Lytton fodder.

But where did the “taken out and shot” quip originally come from?
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Eastwood

March 1st, 2010

Most of us grew up on Clint Eastwood movies. We rued the evolution of the original iconic roles over the decades, in ways we didn’t fully follow, and then he started producing movies like “Unforgiven” and “Gran Torino”. You could make a case that Eastwood grew up faster than some of his fans.

New Yorker reviewer David Denby has written a brilliant review of Eastwood: not just the movie career, but the evolution of the actor.

Now, returning to elements from “Josey Wales,” he began to notice and even to celebrate true outsiders, people who had much less power than his own characters did. Had he become, of all things, a liberal? Probably not, at least not in any overtly political sense. It’s more likely that, as he got older, he saw his own prized values embodied in people he had essentially ignored before.

Read more: Out of the West, Clint Eastwood’s shifting landscape. by David Denby.

“Resealable Bag Inside”

February 13th, 2010

"Resealbale Bag Inside"

Since I grew up in the ’50’s, we as a nation have progressed from cardboard boxes and wax paper to hi-tech plastics and ziplock bags. All of us except the food packaging industry, that is.

Now, I love raisins. Yep, I have always loved raisins since I was a kid. And I usually buy Sun-Maid, because that’s what my mom bought, 60 years ago. I’m a transplant from New England, new to California in 1950, but I’m a loyal transplant.

Needless to say, when I saw that Sun-Maid now packages our excellent California Raisins in a new, improved Resealable Bag”, I had to put a box in the old shopping cart.

And, when I opened the box for my after-dinner raisin snacks, here is what I found:

Here you go, "resealable"

Here you go, "resealable"

In other words, in case anyone else is as dense as I was, what you get to make your space-age bag “resealable” is the piece of yellow tape with the instructions:

  1. To open: pull apart bag at top
  2. To close: fold bag in toward tab and reseal

In case it looks to you like I just cut off the bag top with a pair of scissors, that’s exactly what I did. The new bags are NOT wax paper, they are a super-tough non-tearable plastic; in fact, they are the same plastic used to protect your Krispy Crackers, but without protecting them from crumbling into cracker meal. This kind of plastic is fabricated to protect the contents from the purchaser.

Not even Charles Atlas nor Mr. T could pull the walls of the raisin bag apart by hand. The heat-sealed crimp closure is designed to withstand nuclear attack. If an endorphine rush gave you the super-strength to open one of these bags, you’d be cleaning an explosion of sun-dried Natural California Raisins out from under the couch, washer and dryer for the next several months and beyond.

While I’m no longer exactly in the prime of my strength, I shudder to think what an 85-year-old granny would do. Actually, I know exactly what she’d do: she’d go straight for the scissors.

By now you are probably wondering why they would make these things this way. And of course you knew I was going to tell you why they do. That’s so the marketing and packaging jerks who sit at the long, polished zebra-wood conference table can boast: “THEIR product is just dumped into conventional packaging and loses its freshness. OUR product is resealable.”

Resealable, my ass. I am still waiting for the yellow plastic tape to fall off.

Cooking for Partisans and Politicians

January 18th, 2010
Lidia Bastianich

Lidia Bastianich on her cooking show

I enjoy watching cooking shows. And this is odd, because I rarely cook. Nowadays, my idea of a gourmet meal is Camembert and crackers.

I enjoy most all of the TV chefs. I didn’t quite “get” Julia Child until she’d passed on. I used to watch Rachel Ray with my late partner Bob. Mostly these days I enjoy “Lidia” – Lidia Bastianich.

It’s true I do enjoy really good salads, pasta and such (when I don’t have to prepare them myself). What I enjoy most about these famous chefs is their unpretentious, task-oriented attitude. The show isn’t about them. It’s about the food. It’s about quality ingredients. It’s about allowing the ingredients to shine at what they do best.

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011110

January 11th, 2010

Today is January 11, 2010 – commonly shortened to 011110.

011110 is a palindrome: it reads the same way in either direction. We will have another one in 11 days: 012210. In November of next year we get 111111 and 112211.

Only two calendar days are palindromic: 11 and 22. No month has a 33. This decade we get a palindromic bumper crop: 011110, 012210, 111111, 112211.

Last decade also reaped a palindromic bumper crop. But the reciprocal of every year number 01-12 is not necessarily a month.

In mmddyy format, in the coming decades of the century we do get at least (2) palindromic days each 02dd20, 03dd30 and so on up to 09dd90. But when can we get more than 2 palindromic days in a decade?

121121 and 122221 would be the highest non-decade palindromic years.  What is the highest number whose last 2 digits, reversed, equal a month number?

month: 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12
year:  10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 01 11 21

No big deal – I rarely get interested in palindromes – but the thing is, after 2021, I believe this parlor game will only work twice a decade (on the decade years ending in zero).

Can you think of others?

Valley of the Kings: Secrets in Stone

December 15th, 2009

The much-disrespected SphinxSome of the statuary in the ruins of ancient Egypt have been mutilated or possibly defaced – the great Sphinx, and lesser monuments to the rulers of the old kingdoms. Archaeologists have in some cases deduced that a persistent, widespread pattern of defacement can be connected to efforts to obliterate memory of some deposed or hated public figure.

But these monuments are now 4,500 years old. Archaeologists recognize that much of this kind of damage could be due to looters, vandalism or the ravages of time. The fact of major damage to a statue or monument, taken by itself, is no proof of an old royal scandal, cover-up, or cabal. In fact, such damage could even be the result of mere malicious mischief – of the kind perpetrated by juveniles with too much time on their hands.

Archeologists are trying to determine which kids might have committed some of the more obvious vandalism, and when they do, they’re going to tell their moms.

History Snippets: Cradle-land of Battles

December 11th, 2009

“History Snippets” serializes small bits of research from an unfinished test project. The theme is technology and natural events that shaped our modern world.

You have seen it all before, in Egypt’s disintegrating Middle Kingdom. The shifting dunes of time covered man’s works just as surely as the surf and incoming tide leave no trace of the child’s sand fortress on the shores …

Persepolis - from Elvis's weblog

“How the mighty have fallen! The weapons of war have perished!” — David’s Lament for Saul and Jonathan

Cradle-land of Battles

This is about the world of Athens and Sparta in the time of the Battle of Marathon. Sparta did not participate in this battle, but later redeemed itself in the even more famous Battle of Thermopylae. We’ll not rehash those famous battles. We’ll instead seek a cameo snapshot of the people and their embattled civilizations of that time. For their contributions to what would become western civilization, we owe a great debt. In their failures, there may be great lessons yet to be fully realized.

The year was -490, or “490 BC” in the way we reckon years today. It was a time of contentious – should we say global? – preparations for the defense of a divided and vulnerable western world against the generals of the mighty Persian king, Darius.

“Global” meant known land masses within roughly a thousand miles of the Mediterranean, and perhaps included what little might have been known of a few lands even beyond that.

Darius has already conquered and subdued the Greek presence along all of the western shores of Asia, along and inland of the Aegean Sea. We don’t need to brush up on history to recognize many of the place names: Hellespont, Troy, Lesbos, Chios, Ionia, Sardis, Magnesia, Maeander River, Dorian Cities, Rhodes. Once a conquered city found itself paying tribute to the Persian superpower, life wasn’t bad. Stability and security were practically guaranteed. Trade, agriculture and commerce flourished in the Persian war-free zone. It was hard for the homeland Greek cities of the peninsula to win back the affection of those conquered Aegean city-states. Grecian by heritage, those conquered people felt no loyalty to an Athens which had betrayed and warred with them so many times in the past. Read the rest of this entry »

History Snippets: China

December 10th, 2009

“History Snippets” serializes small bits of research from an unfinished test project. The theme is technology and natural events that shaped our modern world.

You have seen it all before, in Egypt’s disintegrating Middle Kingdom. The shifting dunes of time covered man’s works just as surely as the surf and incoming tide leave no trace of the child’s sand fortress on the shores …

In the world time frame around 500BC, early Greeks were not quite aware of it yet, but their civilization was about to confront a vast military struggle for the survival of a culture we today regard as “the western world”. They were only partially successful, because they always regarded conflict as having only a purely military solution.

Another part of the world was also beginning a massive territorial reshaping of its own, a struggle that would come in several waves, like Europe’s, of over two thousand years’ duration. In each world, that struggle would tear lives of the common people apart, and put them back together in ways pleasing to the ebb and flow of the ruling powers.

That land was China.

If equal attention were given to the written history of Asia and the Western World, China’s volume alone would dwarf all of the volumes for western Europe. China is the world’s longest continuous civilization. Read the rest of this entry »

History Snippets: Measurement

December 10th, 2009

“History Snippets” serializes small bits of research from an unfinished test project. The theme is technology and natural events that shaped our modern world.

The two tables published here translate early Greek units of measurement, and their numbering system. Such tables are utterly useless for everyday modern life. If you should one day find yourself reading Herodotus or other early Greek translation, suddenly these measurements are indispensable, and you’ll hope you remember where to find them. Modern units of measurement have been left in the table (even though the original project, which required them, was scrapped).

It’s revealing to contrast the vast differences in scale of time and distance that occupied the thinking of modern vs. ancient minds!

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“Rains Down In Africa”

December 6th, 2009

Well now, that’s only the name of the great old song by the group Toto. It’s playing on my system in Phoenix right now. No one’s around to complain about the sound volume. It’s 11PM Mountain Time. I like to point out my body clock is on Pacific time. Even though my body clock says it’s 10PM, I’m not passing up an excuse to say the time change leaves me unrecovered from jet lag. Never mind that I drove down to Phoenix. Never mind that the Pacific storms always follow me down here. We’ll get the snow in Flagstaff tomorrow. We’ll get the rains down in Phoenix. This is a ramble.

I discovered the pool has been losing water – fast. Too cold for swimming, but when the water level is down 6 inches or so, the system takes in air and loses its prime. I think I found the leak, a PVC aerator pipe. My pool man says there’s a shutoff valve we can use to turn just that nonessential part of the system off. That would be nice. Excavate to repair that one section, you might as well rip up the whole east side concrete pool walkway and replace everything. That could run a grand without blinking an eye.

So the pool guy comes tomorrow and then the electrical guy comes Tuesday for the annual “free” electrical inspection, and to fix a back porch light circuit that’s probably infested with spiders. Just contemplating all this surely makes apartment or condo life sound more attractive to the retired leisure set.

The drive to Phoenix was uneventful – 10.5 hours. It’s the first time I’ve been “trapped”: by tomorrow Gorman (Tejon Pass) will probably have plenty of snow. You might be able to get past the LA basin via the Mojave and Bakersfield. But the Tehachapi Pass is still expecting rain and snow right now. I’ve only driven in the snow once or twice as a kid, don’t have chains or know how to put them on, and I’m not interested in learning. I was returning Saturday anyway.

As the current iTunes WAV server plays on, it’s just Another Brick In The Wall.

One of the songs I’ve bookmarked for my “Favorites” playlist is named Long Toi, found in the CD album of the same name by artist Duc Thanh. I have no idea how I found it, but I like it. Actually, I find I enjoy the whole album. Instrumentation is traditional Vietnamese, featuring (I think) a 16-string zither. The songs are traditional folk. You can tell it’s pop music, but with a different cultural zing – many westerners might take it in the spirit of a travelogue movie and say, “how cool!”

Some of my other musical tastes, like Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring, do drive many of my friends nuts. I may no longer care for driving in the snow, but I still like adventure.

I was also thinking about the year I served in Vietnam, way back when. I was proud enough to serve my country.  What a shame how it all turned out.  Dove or Hawk, most of us realized  at some point we had no national idea what in hell we were supposed to be doing over there. Everybody had their own theory.  Some still do. Fact is, history shows we neither defended our own country in Vietnam, or theirs.

Just now the haunting Beggar for the Blues is playing, on the ’60’s album Bashin’ by Jimmy Smith. If you really like blues, Smith’s keyboard jazz mastery on that big theater organ, the incredibly excellent backup orchestra and percussion of Oliver Nelson (or any of those three alone), the CD is still available at Amazon and other purveyors. I digitized this cut from the original vinyl. Personally, I think Smith often goes over the top with the keyboard, but this guy could play jazz, and this cut is a must for any collection.

Another one to look out for, if you even think you like jazz piano, is Summertime, from the CD The Best of the Ray Brown Trio – also currently available from the usual sources. Also don’t miss Brown’s wistful, dreamy, evocative cut That’s All. Even friends who say “normally I don’t care for jazz” write that Brown’s keyboard is not to be believed until heard. Utterly astounding playing – and truly wonderful music too.

All in all, it’s a wonderful night for “cocooning” – staying warm and dry indoors. Go. Put on one last good record or CD. In another half hour or so, it’ll really be time for bed. G’night!